Previous ProZ.com translation contests | | « return to previous contest list 6th ProZ.com Translation ContestRussian to English Finalists:13 Source text:Когда мне минуло шесть лет, произошло событие, коренным образом изменившее всю мою жизнь: у меня родилась сестра. До ее появления мое маленькое "я" невольно казалось мне центром мира. Казалось, что мама, и няня, и наша тесная квартирка -- все это создано исключительно для меня. Конечно, я этого не думала словами, но таково было мое мироощущение. Мама вообще была "всем". Жизни вне ее я себе не представляла. Я также инстинктивно требовала ее присутствия и любви, как воздуха, еды и сна. И той любви и ласки, которую мне мама давала, мне было достаточно, потому что иной я и не знала. Однако мама хотя и любила меня, конечно, но, в то время, как я родилась, слишком еще была полна своей личной драмой с отцом, своей молодой жизнью, так что я занимала в ее душе второстепенное место. А сестра -- может быть, "благодаря" своей болезненности, тревоге за ее жизнь -- заняла сразу первенствующее место в мамином сердце. Мама полюбила ее страстно, буквально не могла надышаться на нее; и вот чутким детским сердцем я поняла, какая может быть настоящая мамина любовь, и поняла, что у меня этой любви нет, что мне надо довольствоваться остатками. Меня не обижали, не наказывали, меня только -- отодвигали. Я все время чувствовала себя лишней: мне не было места в маминых объятиях, в них всегда лежала сестричка. Я все время слышала слова: "Ты большая, уступи, отдай, отодвинься, слезь..." Так или иначе, много мне пришлось в жизни, как и всякому, видеть горя: терять близких, хоронить дорогие чувства, но этих первых уроков горя, тоски и одиночества, которые испытало мое семилетнее сердце, я не забуду никогда. |
| | When I turned six, something happened that was to change my life dramatically: my sister was born. Before she appeared, I quite naturally believed that my little self was the very center of the universe. My mother, my nanny, our tiny apartment - all seemed to exist for me alone. I never voiced my feelings, no, but such was my perception of the world around me. My mother, she was everything to me. I could not imagine a life without her in it. Instinctively, I needed her presence and love much Show full text
Sounds quite natural, pertains the same kind of reader-friendly style as the Russian version. |
| in terms of conveying the same emotions to the reader, one of the best – but you take more liberties with word choice than I'm comfortable with. 4649 has my vote so far |
| Congrats, Katya! Way to go! :) |
| Congratulations! One of the better entries for sure, though several things didn't sit well with me personally, namely "near and dear ones" and "crying over dead feelings." Also, you can't "offend" a child, especially in this context, and commas/periods go inside the quotes. |
| Thanks Larissa, Mark and everyone! Honestly, the victory was somewhat unexpected : )) |
| Congratulations, Katya, and thanks! :-))) |
| I put your third in full confidence you're native. |
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| | When I turned six, an event occurred which radically changed my entire life: my little sister was born. Up until my little sister's appearance, the center of my world had always automatically been my little "me." I thought that Mommy, and Nanny, and our cramped little apartment, all this had been created exclusively for me. Of course, I didn't think this in so many words, but that was my view of everything. "Everything" being basically Mommy. I couldn't imagine life without her. I demanded Show full text
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| | When I turned six years old, something happened, which changed my whole world in the most drastic way: a baby sister walked into my life. Before she appeared, my own little “I” had always seemed to me, however unwittingly, the center of the universe. It seemed that my mother, my nanny, our tiny and cramped apartment — all this was created for me and me alone. Of course, these weren’t conscious thoughts, but such was my perception of the world. My mother was “everything” to me. I could Show full text
you came very close to getting my vote. your translation seems 'tight', and I lite that. however, a few phrases just don't work for me at all:
*a baby sister walked into my life
*a fifth wheel
*will remain with me forever
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| | When I was six, my life changed dramatically. My little sister was born. Before this blessed event I somehow believed my little ego was the center of the universe. I believed that my mother and my nurse and our small flat were all mine. Of course, I did not think about it with words like these, but such was my attitude. And my mother was indeed everything for me. I could not imagine my life without her. I instinctively felt the need for her presence and love, just as much as I had the need for Show full text
You make my life funnier every day, but even knowing you, I didn't expect that. Remember, I was trying to guess your entry. I was as far from the right answer as I ever could be.
Ще не вмерла! |
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| | Something happened when I was six which utterly changed my whole life: my sister was born. Before she arrived, my own little “me” naturally seemed the centre of the my world. It seemed that Mummy, and Nanny, and our cramped flat had all been created for me alone. Of course, I didn’t think this in words, but that was the way I perceived the world. Mummy in particular was everything to me. I could not imagine a life without her in it. I Show full text
proz saved the best for last. I'm very impressed with the quality of your translation. Though, imo, your writing is just small notch above the other entries, your attention to punctuation makes your translation read more cleanly. Assuming you are interested in freelance literary work, I'd like to have your contact information for future reference.
One question: why the choice of 'soul' over simply 'heart'? |
| Oh, I think Jack will be VERY interested :-))))))))) |
| I am. I have emailed chacher telling him so. |
| Choice of soul over heart: because heart had been used twice shortly before this: "I took second place in her heart"; "first place in Mummy's heart"; so I thought a third heart so soon after that would be one too many. |
| I almost did the same thing too - I almost substituted "soul" for one of the occurrences of "heart" - just to make it a bit less repetitive. I ended up deciding not too - afraid to stray too far from a literal translation. I like your work here Jack - and I like the many postings I've seen from you in Kudoz. You know your stuff! |
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| | When I turned six, something happened which radically changed my life - I acquired a sister. Until she came on the scene, it seemed the world revolved around "little me". It seemed that my mother and my nanny and our cramped flat were all created just for me. Of course, I hadn’t put this into so many words, but that was my impression of the world. My mother was everything to me. I could not imagine life apart from her. I required her presence and her love as instinctively as I did air, food Show full text
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| | After my sixth birthday an event has occured, which radically changed my life - my sister was born. Before her birth my little self-ego reluctantly seemed to me as the center of the universe. It seemed to me that my mother, our nanny and our small compacted flat, all of it was designed exclusively for myself. Indeed, I was not thinking of it in words, but such was my perception of the world. In general my mom was everything. I could not imagine my life without her. I also instinctively demanded her Show full text
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| | When I turned six, my sister was born, and it was a significant event that completely changed my whole life. Before she was born, my inner ego inadvertently seemed to be the center of the universe. It seemed to me that everything, my mother, my nanny and our tiny cubbyhole, were there for me exclusively. I certainly did not sound those thoughts out loud, but definitely it was my perception. My Mama was all to me. I could not have imagined my life without her in it. I instinctively demanded Show full text
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| | When I turned six, there was an event that radically changed my life: my sister was born. Before she was born, my little "ego" involuntarily seemed to me to be the center of the world. It seemed like everything was specifically created for me, mom, the babysitter and our small apartment. Certainly, I did not put this thought into words but this was my perception of the world around me. Mom in general was “everything” to me. I could not imagine my Show full text
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| | After I passed my sixth birthday something happened that changed my entire life to the core: my sister was born. Before she made her entrance my little ego unselfconsciously appeared to me as the center of the world. It seemed that Mother, nanny and our small, crowded apartment – all had been created exclusively for my sake. Naturally, I did not put these thoughts into words, but such was the way I perceived the Universe. Mom was my “be-all.” I Show full text
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| | When I turned six, an event occurred that fundamentally changed my entire life: my sister was born. Before she appeared, little “I” instinctively seemed to me to be the centre of the world. It seemed that mum, and nanny, and our cosy little flat – all had been created just for me. Of course, I didn’t think this in words, but such was my mindset. Mum was generally “everything”. I didn’t imagine a life beyond her. I also instinctively Show full text
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| | Russian source text: "The Days of My Life" by Tatiana Shchepkina-Kupernik I was already six when something happened, which fundamentally changed my whole life: my sister was born. Before her arrival, my diminutive "I" unwittingly seemed to be the center of the world. Mama, Nanny, and our cramped apartment: everything seemed to exist exclusively for me. Of course, I didn't formulate those words, but this was my perception of the world. In essence, Show full text
without any doubt one of the best translations here. I'm sure by now you've heard this, but:
"слезь.." from "слезать" – though I'm not a native Russian speaker – I right away think "слезь с дивана" (get off the sofa)
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| To chacher: Thank you for your kind words. As a bit of a lark -- and some light relief from work -- I did the translation at the eleventh hour posting it two minutes before the deadline. слезь / слезы -- could it have been the Mediterranean sun shining on my screen????? (or simply carelessness).
We do need some fun with our languages skills. Thank you ProZ and those who took the time to slog through all the translations. |
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| | As I turned six, something happened that drastically changed my entire life: my sister was born. Before her appearance I unconsciously saw my little "me" in the center of the universe. It seemed that my mother and the nanny and our narrow flat - everything was there just for me. Of course, I didn't realise this with words, but this was my attitude. Mother was everything at all. Living outside her was not to imagine. I demanded her presence and love as instinctively as I demanded air, food Show full text
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Entry #4219
